Hey, don't leave just yet, meet...
Lazarus, The off-colour zebra!
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking exactly the same thing that I was when I first saw this lovely photograph of our three four hoofed beauties. You're thinking exactly the same as the other hundreds of people that I've shown this very same photo to. You're thinking 'What the fuck's up with that purple cunt in the middle?!!'. Such a moving thought, and accompanying the photos that I received through the post I also heard the even more moving story of Lazarus, the off-colour zebra...
Lazarus was born off-colour. Because of this he was stolen from the wild by the native tribesmen (or Hititchity) of Antarctica. They used to beat him with sticks to make him do handstands just for their entertainment, or they'd even make him do card tricks for their amusement. Even when he got really tired they'd give him chinese burns on his arm things to help keep him awake. Then, just a few months ago, the charity Stop Treating Animals Badly (or STAB) contacted me. They contacted me because I've helped them out before for the tune of several tens of thousands of pounds when I bought a house that was infected with termites (sadly, even my money couldn't save the house and the termites had to move). Anyway, when they told me of the plight of Lazarus I just had to help out so It's Better Tinned Than Fresh has 'adopted' Lazarus! With our donation of £30000 to STAB, they reckon they'll be able to keep Lazarus penned up safely for at least six months.
Learn more about Lazarus, the off-colour zebra...
