Fucking hell! What an embarressment! You've caught me just as I've got my lorry stuck in the mud on my estate! Fortunatley, just after this photo was taken, Daniel Long, a farmer from down the road, came along in his big tractor and pulled me free. Daniel has helped me out now on several occassions and I always treat him to a slap up breakfast afterwards! I am always amazed however that even though he reckons that he's a real farmer, he doesn't seem to know much about farming - all he does is drive his big tractor around all day. He can only manage a couple of pints of beer as well - anymore than that and he's on his back lying in a pool of his own vomit. You can see a picture of the miserable bastard below!

Ooh! Now then, who's this beauty?! Why, it's none other than Maggie Philbin. She's my wife or something. I met her when she came and joined the team of my highly popular Saturday morning BBC1 TV show 'The Multi-Coloured Swap Shop'. She's not normally in the studio though, she's normally on the outside broadcasts with Keith Chegwin. Next Saturday keep a look out fans - Maggie may be in your town with all the fun of Swap Shop!